Boom.

Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"

Observe the Grenade

Kill three Testers with one grenade launcher shot. "Test the grenades: check!"

Pull!

Get 50 Shotgun kills. "That was a blast!"

Just a Flesh Wound

Beat a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."

Auto Dealer

Get 50 SMG kills. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"

Fire Hazard

Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."

Hazard Master

Beat game on Maximum Hazard. "You've done this before, haven't you?"

Pseudo-Hazard

Beat game on Major Hazard. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"

Multiplayer Master!

"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."

Hazard Avoider

Beat the game on Minor Hazard. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"

Meet Quentin.

Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"

Beat the Snot out of Wellesley

Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."

Well, I Heard them Scream

Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."

Death Hazard

Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"

Deja-Vu (All Over Again)

Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"

Draw

Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."

Talk!

"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."

Your Turn

Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."

Maxx Karnage

Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."

Second Amendment

Get a kill with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."

Tramm Ride

Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."

Blind Luck

Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."

Pure Energy

Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"

Russian Attack

Get 50 AK-47 kills. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."

Housing Crisis

Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"

Shield Master

Collect 20 Master Shields. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the achievement!"

No Pain, No Gain

Kill an enemy with an explosive and take damage. "It'll hurt me more than it hurts...never mind."

Eat FIST!

Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."

Deja-Vu

Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."

Plink

Get 50 Hazard pistol kills. "Frag you."

Peekaboo...I Shot You!

Get 50 Sniper Rifle kills. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."

Russian to the Finish

Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."

Dances with Guns

Don't let any dance bots die in Level 2. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"

Better than One

Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"

Uncovered

Destroy 20 cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"

Head of the Class

Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."

Bedlam Basher

Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."

Meat Your Maker

Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day."

Say "No" to Pots

Shoot 30 potted plants. "Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"

Head Cheese

Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more."

Stung

Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."

Migraine

Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"

Disco is Dead

Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"

Headache

Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."

Feeling Punchy

Get 5 melee kills in a row. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."

Hands-On Approach

Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"

Straight-A Student

Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."

Take 5.

Pause the game. "Hey...come back here and play!"

It's HAZARD TIME!

"Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. -- Sincerely, Matt Hazard"

...Where Credit is Due

Watch the credits. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made that cool noir detective game?"