Multiplayer Master!

"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."

Hazard Avoider

Beat the game on Minor Hazard. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"

Meet Quentin.

Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"

Beat the Snot out of Wellesley

Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."

Well, I Heard them Scream

Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."

Blind Luck

Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."

Better than One

Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"

Deja-Vu (All Over Again)

Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"

Second Amendment

Get a kill with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."

Peekaboo...I Shot You!

Get 50 Sniper Rifle kills. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."

Boom.

Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"

Talk!

"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."

Your Turn

Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."

Tramm Ride

Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."

Pure Energy

Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"

Housing Crisis

Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"

Auto Dealer

Get 50 SMG kills. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"

Death Hazard

Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"

Eat FIST!

Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."

Pull!

Get 50 Shotgun kills. "That was a blast!"

Russian Attack

Get 50 AK-47 kills. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."

Deja-Vu

Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."

No Pain, No Gain

Kill an enemy with an explosive and take damage. "It'll hurt me more than it hurts...never mind."

Russian to the Finish

Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."

Plink

Get 50 Hazard pistol kills. "Frag you."

Head of the Class

Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."

Uncovered

Destroy 20 cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"

Just a Flesh Wound

Beat a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."

Stung

Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."

Migraine

Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"

Feeling Punchy

Get 5 melee kills in a row. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."

Disco is Dead

Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"

Headache

Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."

Hands-On Approach

Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"

Straight-A Student

Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."

Take 5.

Pause the game. "Hey...come back here and play!"

It's HAZARD TIME!

"Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. -- Sincerely, Matt Hazard"

...Where Credit is Due

Watch the credits. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made that cool noir detective game?"